Guide to Buying Your Lover a Christmas Present

Apparently, more than couples split up at Christmastide than any other clip of twelvemonth - which is perhaps not surprising when you compare the idea you set into what you're going to acquire us with the trash we usually purchase you. A former human relationship of mine was a lawsuit in point, not quite making it into January because as much as I loved the Montblanc pen she'd bought me, "thermal underclothes doesn't number as lingerie", apparently.

But in our defence, what you have got to understand is this: women and work force are human races apart when it come ups to the whole 'presents' thing, not in the least because it gives you an other alibi to indulge in your most - and our least - front-runner activity, shopping. Come December, you misses will happily zephyr into one of those gift stores that us geezers avoid like the plague, and purchase something like a scented taper that even unlit smells like lavatory cleaner, or alternatively you'll acquire one of those tiny, decorated boxes that's too little to ever throw anything useful, plus a card with some hideously abstract glitter-encrusted presence and twee message inside, even when - and this is the slayer for us cats - you don't even cognize who you're going to give it to.

Yet work force detest shopping at the best of times, and particularly at Christmas, because then there's the added emphasis of having to purchase something for person else. Normally, we work on the 'if we necessitate something, we purchase it' principle, making the thought of nowadays a small redundant. And we kind of presume (given the amount of clip you pass wandering up and down the High Street) you make the same, which is why when it come ups to purchasing you any sort of gift, our 'practical' caput come ups into play. We cognize you like pocketbooks and shoes, for example, but common sense (or a speedy glimpse inside your wardrobe) states us you've got more than than adequate of those already. There's always perfume, but then we're worried that you'll believe we're only buying it for you because we don't like the manner you smell. And clothes? You pass most of the remainder of the twelvemonth purchasing the season's must-haves for yourselves anyway, tutting at us if we make bold to propose that true puffball frock might do you look pregnant, so how on Earth can we be expected to make the right pick as we frantically sprint unit of ammunition Zara on our ain at five p.m. on Christmastide Eve?

Even when we do usage our initiative, we're guaranteed to have got it thrown back in our faces. My current girlfriend took one expression at the jacket I bought her from Mango last twelvemonth - a jacket I'd seen her admire respective modern times - before oh-so-sweetly request for the reception so she could change it "for a different colour", then came place with yet another brace of shoes, because "they didn't have got my size". Faced with this sort of reaction, is it any wonderment you stop up with something from us from Henry Martin Robert Dyas, rather than Roberto Cavalli?

And even if we make pull off to negociate the present-buying minefield, we then have got the added emphasis of what to compose in your Christmastide card. 'Love from'? 'With love'? 'All my love'? These may all intend the same (i.e. nothing) to us, but you misses can extrapolate whole human relationship judgments from our pick of sign-off.

My friend Microphone used to make surprisingly well with the chat-up line "Can I purchase you somes drink - or would you just like the money?" And nowadays, he uses the same attack to show shopping, making certain he takes his girlfriend with him whenever he necessitates to purchase her a gift. She acquires what she wants, which - when it's been lingerie - have meant that he makes too. And sometimes even correct there in the changing room, as he's fond of bragging. Romantic? Perhaps not. Foolproof? You bet!

So this year, if you don't desire the usual letdown of a clumsily-wrapped brace of Totes Toasties or a set of Woody Allen Keys, at least give us a hint. Point things out to us in the jeweller's window. Tear the manner pages out of Cosmo and go forth them where we're sure to happen them - inside the television guide's as good a topographic point as any. Write us a 'dear Santa' missive and faux pas it in with our Christmastide card. Or failing that, just state us exactly what it is you're after. And even then, do certain we maintain the receipt.